Post Spacey Head Ramble

Happy Independence Day to everyone!

Okay, beware, because this is going to be one of those posts where I just sort of spill my brain without any type of conceivable structure.

I haven't posted in a while, mostly because I guess I just haven't been in the mood to write recently. Over the past 3 days I've just felt a little strange. I woke up Saturday morning and just felt like I was drugged or something. I just felt like I had this terrible brain fog that I couldn't get rid of. The only things I can really attribute to the odd feeling was 1) Soy sauce I had in my rice the night before when hanging out with my friend Nicole at the Easton "Towne Centre," (because I think I might have some type of soy allergy, I don't know) 2) The bad sugar/starch food combination I had in the form of all natural rice-chex type cereal the same night (yeah, I'm a pig), or 3) Fuji apples I had mid-day Saturday, or 4) The mass of potatoes I had had throughout the week. See, I was feeling really great from the beginning of the week, but started to feel not so good mentally Thursday morning. It was like I felt disoriented or something, like I was in withdrawal or something. Oooh! You know what I bet it was?! Okay, looking back, I had half of that chocolate chip cookie on Wednesday. Now, being someone who basically is devoid of eating chocolate, let alone sugar filled confections, I had QUITE a strong reaction to such a tiny little treat. The chocolate and large amount or sugar had me completely wired for the rest of the day, and night for that matter - yeah, I was up until 5 AM the next morning! Chocolate has small amounts of caffeine in it, and sugar is quite addicting, as I think we all know. My best conclusion is that the past few days I've basically been going through some type of sugar/caffeine withdrawal. I recall being irritable, moody, and grumpy, and very impulsive, like I couldn't concentrate on things, and couldn't sit still and focus on any one thing (hence, not even a blog entry, which I enjoy). The bad thing is that I get obsessed about this, because the main reason I try to control my diet so much, is because it affects how I feel very directly, so I'm basically obsessed with trying to find the best combination of food that makes me feel the best. The bad thing is that this tends to keep me from eating certain things that I want, and then I start to overeat :0( It's this terrible cycle, which I'm still trying to figure out a plan to break.

Well, I'm happy to say that I feel like I'm over whatever sugar withdrawal/food sensitivity (soy or Fuji apples) I went through and feel like I have my head back. As you may have guessed, I've basically cut out any sugar of any kind (except fruit), soy, and apples. I hate to say that I might have some type of sensitivity to apples, but I'm playing it safe just in case, even though I really love apples. So, I've been eating mainly cooked white rice, fruit, fresh vegetable juices (basically spinach). Okay, I should mention that juicing spinach is a new thing for me. And I started off not doing it very intelligently. I started out by consuming WAY to much. From what I've read about spinach from juicing sources, it is quite difficult to metabolize, and I could definitely feel that it was after having too much. I started feeling sort of mental and brain foggy. Most sources I've seen recommend only having it about one or twice a week, and only a few ounces a serving. Yeah, thinking I was totally helping my body, I was doing like full 16 ounce glasses. Hohoo, did I make a mistake. My brain is probably re-aligning since I've basically stopped having the juice. I think I'm going to leave the spinach and try just juicing regular leaf or romaine lettuce instead, as those sound to be associated with less negative affects. Ugh, why do I get myself into this sort of crap?

Spinach Juice - 16 oz. - Whoooaa - WAAY to much spinach juice for one serving - not even diluted!!! I had two big glasses like this :0(

Okay, so I've pretty much become a vegan now, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to hold on to this for a while. One of the main reasons is because I've just finished reading an incredibly excellent book, The China Study. If you don't become at least a vegetarian after reading this study, well, you just weren't meant to be a vegetarian, I guess, uh, yeah. Also, I've learned some very interesting things lately with regards to vegetarian-/vegan-ism:

1. Did you know that humans males are the only species that eat meat (animal products) and has a seminal vesicle? That is a very interesting fact.
2. Did you know that vegetarian males have a higher testosterone level than non-vegetarians?
3. Did you know that vegans have a higher testosterone level than vegetarians?

Okay, these three points are very interesting to me in general, but specifically because of my dry eye condition. I still struggle with it off and on, but recently have been doing very well with it. I've hardly been having any problems with it at all. I've been waking up with non-scratchy/dry eyes. I started having dry eye problems around the time I began adopting the The Paleo Diet is one where you basically just eat mostly meat, and fruits and vegetables and nuts and stuff. I started doing this back in 2003, the day after my birthday. I was eating very large amounts of lean meats, in very bad combinations I should add (yeah, not afraid to say I was a total gas factory). It was then that I started to develop bad dry eye. Okay, so to make a long story short, it is obvious that eating animal products equates to lower testosterone levels. When I was suffering more greatly from dry eye, I was doing extensive research via the internet to try to determine what the root causes of the condition were. I found out that there was a lot of research concluding that androgens (sex hormones) directly influence the function of many of the tear and secreting glands in and around the eyes. In other words, testosterone and androgen deficient women are the ones most likely to have dry eye. I had began to notice a correlation between my meat/animal food intake and the severity of my dry eye. I was eating a lot of fish and fish oils, because a lot of material on the internet (from legitimate sources) encouraged the consumption of omega-3 fats, of which fish oil is loaded with. Whenever I ate the most fish and fish oil my symptoms seemed to get their worse. AAAaanyway, armed with the fact that eating animal protein is directly related to lower testosterone levels (and actually a major cause of impotence as well, just in case you were wondering), I've gone vegan, and as I stated before, have already began to notice a consistent different in my symptoms. I never really craved meat to begin with, and I always ate it in very large quantities, which always made me feel very heavy, full, and gave me sleepy brain fogginess. So, to sum up, because I just know everyone is soo thrilled with this post, here are my conclusions:

1. I'm not eating animal products because I feel it is a very healthy dietary change for me.
2. I should be careful not to overdo the juicing.
3. I'm gonna stay away from soy products and sugar. Sugar gives a great pick-me-up, but the come down is terrible!
4. As for Fuji Apples, I'm not sure. Its hard to believe these are the cause of any problems since they're just fresh natural fruit. So I'll probably work these back in my diet, but just very cautiously.
5. My dry eye seems to be significantly improved since staying away from meat and animal products.
6. I've started taking a vitamin B-12 supplement - because it is essential for all vegans.

Oh! And of course I need to write about my progess with my eating obsession. Basically, After my progress with the cookie and rice and such, I've been successful in incorporating foods I crave into my diet on a regular, almost daily basis. But, it has been a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Like the sugar for example, it makes me sort of nuts! I love it and all, but it just has this powerful affect on my brain and just turns me into a different person, I guess, not sure. Also, my IBS really limits the different foods I can allow myself to eat, so I can only really let loose and give into my desires for certain foods to a certain extent without getting colonic spasms and such. Although, I haven't had any problems really with my IBS overall since I've been watching my fat intake pretty successfully. I'm pretty much devoted to health food, and for a few days over this long weekend I began feeling guilty for eating so much "junk." I began limiting my diet to just fruits again, even throughout the afternoon and evening, and this caused me to start overeating again, because they just weren't satisfying me quite like I wanted. So, basically, I slipped up and stopped enjoying the foods that I wanted, ultimately because they were making me feel totally sleepy, sluggish, and just bad overall, with the exception that they fulfilled my apetite. Eventually, I also started overeating on the junky foods as well (potatoes, rice, and bread, etc.). I guess I just got a little tired of having to think about it all so much and just let myself go. Man, this is hard!

French Baguette - This was really good - fresh baked and very soft. I am so incredibly satisfied by plain bread. I think I should just accept that I'm fully addicted (yeah, after having it basically all of my life, ya' think?).

I'm mostly back on track though now. Last night I had a meal of 1/2 white rice with 1/2 whole grain brown rice (I feel crappy eating so much simple carbs, but can't do too much whole grain because it doesn't agree with my IBS very well). This was good, but I had another craving later in the evening for bread, but was to lazy to go out and get something. So, this morning I had fruit for breakfast, then rushed off to get a simple french baguette, which I practically devoured. This totally fulfilled my craving, but I feel sort of carbed out now, if anyone can relate to that. I haven't had any desire to overeat today though, because I feel sort of droopy from all the carbs, which is good, but bad. Ugh, I just don't even have any desire to write about this right now, to be honest. I think after this week off, I'm just ready to get back to work. That sounds scary, but unfortunately, I'm not very good at keeping myself busy unless someone is telling me to do things. Yikes!

I know, not the most interesting post. Sorry ya'll! I'll try to have something a little more adventurous/exciting next time.

New General Blog Born!

Okay, this blog was getting a little crowded, and being an organization freak, I thought it best to separate the non-food stuff from the food stuff. So, the more general, subject un-defined blog has been born! Check out the link to the right.. "Jayppers, It's Just Stuff." I moved all the non-food entries to this blog... luckily there weren't many, "phew!"

Good Progress - Rice & Cookie

Progress! Yes, I've made some good progress today. Yes, with eating. I've been reading a book that deals with self-treatment of binge/over eating conditions to help identify ways of moving forward with my food issues. I know this must sound pretty personal, but I don't mind anyone knowing about this. Actually, I think that communicating this out to people is really healthy for me, because keeping thoughts and issues like this trapped away from others has not helped me. I hope that this post conveys to those who are concerned about me that I'm really dedicated to this, and I'm very optimistic that I'll be successful making a life change here.

So, to explain why today has been good... Reading my new book, I've learned that letting go of the fear in food and kicking dieting to the curb is virtually essential to conquering binge/over eating. As I've probably mentioned in a previous post, I set such "all-or-nothing," strict dietary rules for myself that these physical & psychological food cravings build up inside me, then usually lead me to overeat, and on occasion binge eat. I've decided that I have to get rid of this perfectionist attitude in order to succeed in reclaiming the portions of my life that I've lost.

Okay, so this book encourages you to basically stop trying to "cut calories" (which I never do anyway, but..), monitor portion sizes (to an extent, of course), attack yourself with guilt after eating, etc. In other words, stop dieting and give yourself the things that you want and your body craves. Basically, by enjoying the things you want on a regular basis will allow me to stop being consumed by thoughts of food and better focus on the things that are really important to me. So, I'm looking to tackle this pretty slowly, but have started to feel a difference already since I've basically been adopting this strategy since this past weekend.

This morning for breakfast, I made hash browns on my stove. I made them without oil (I know, sort of strange, but bear with me), because fatty foods tend to give me the colonic spasm thingy (which I'm hoping might go away after a while since I intend on lowering the overall amount of food I consume everyday over time - keep in mind that I tend to overeat lots of the time, so I'm not talking about dieting or deprivation). Anyway, these were really good and I don't feel that I over-indulged at all.

Later in the afternoon I had fruit because it was what I was craving. I sort of slipped here because, although I was wanting fruit, my long-term deprivation of lots of different foods is still sort of being held up by this very thin wall that has been in place for too long. What I'm trying to say is that, although I wanted fruit, there are tons of other things I'd love to have in its place. However, I feel a good portion of fruit every day is needed for health. So, with that said, I had about an entire bowl of pureed apples - think homemade applesauce I guess? This was sort of a lot of applesauce, and I felt full after it, although, looking back, I didn't feel totally physically stuffed, just that I ate more than I really needed. So, I recognized this overeating and decided that I need to let myself have something I really want so as to stop the chain of events that leads up to excessive overeating, eating too frequently, or a binge. So...

Full and feeling in a good mood, I decided to stop by the Easton shopping center (okay, I don't like calling it a mall, but yeah, whatever) to do a little bit of clothes shopping (yeah, vacation time is awesome when you can just pick and do whatever you feel like). While I was there, I decided that I would get something I was craving, which happened to be chocolate chip cookies at the time. YUM! Haven't had one in a while. I know before I said I was going back to gluten-/wheat-free. I also vowed earlier in the week to not do meat as well. I've decided that these restrictions are largely not going to work for me, except for the meat. I normally do not crave meat to begin with, and have a personal position to not consume meat, so I'm pretty much going to stick with that, and yes, I acknowledge that it goes against the grain of my help strategy, but I have decided that this one item is not going to be a detriment to my progress. If I feel that it is, I trust that I am smart enough to adjust accordingly.

[Before shots] Not an outstanding cookie, but for my second one this entire YEAR, it was awesome! Gooey-gluteny-chocolatey-melty-ness.. Mmm :0 P And white rice, well, it's amazing how something so simple pleases me so much.

Anyway, to make this long story a little shorter, I decided to get a thing of white rice from PF Chang’s (which is FREE, remember?! Yooohooo!), and a chocolate chip cookie from Panera Bread. Now, this is a pretty big deal for me, since normally I would avoid chocolate and a fatty cookie (not fatty as in put weight on me, but as in loads of fat, including animal fat) like the plague, but I was able to totally put that beside me. I realize that it isn't so much the foods that I eat that are unhealthy, but the large portions of them I do eat that cause me problems. My goal was to eat all the rice, in order to curb my craving, as well as to help balance to cookie so that I wouldn't eat it all. My goal was to not eat the entire cookie because 1) it was big, and 2) I don't want to over stimulate my system (um, yeah, IBS that is) with the high-fat/chocolate content of the cookie. So, I achieved my goal, and I don't feel any regret or guilt for doing it! This is a pretty big step for me, guys, so... Yeah!

[After Shots] Look! didn't eat the whole cookie! Go me!

The icing on the cake is that I successfully ate my "meal" in public, with lots of people around! I ate my things in the food court. This is also another big success for me, because ordinarily (now, not all the time), I would eat these guilt-causing foods in isolation either in my car or in my apartment. I know, this is pretty personal and it sounds a little strange, but this is exactly why I'm on a path to fix it.

So, I know to many people this was a pretty bland meal and non-nutritional meal, but it was like exactly what I was craving. Also, I do eat healthy meals in addition to indulgent ones like this, it's just that in order for me to initially overcome my fear of food, my book recommends sort of "de-sensitizing" yourself to the foods you associate with fear/guilt/regret. So, this was a step towards that goal, and 1) I actually really enjoyed it, and 2) it only cost me $1.50 (rice was free :0) ). See, this whole thing has so many benefits. I normally am a very irritable person, and I really think that my food deprivation really has a huge part in that.

Oh, and also, just another random note: It is now 8:00 PM, and I can probably safely say that the 1/2 or 3/4 of the cookie I had has not caused me any IBS problems! Woohoo! For now at least.

Okay, so long post - yes... Perhaps a little strange - perhaps, depends on the reader, I guess... But I'm making changes, and sometimes to change you have to admit to things that may be perceived as bad or weird in order to overcome them. One of the reasons I’ve fallen into this trap is because of putting other people’s thoughts and impressions of me on such a high pedestal, and I’m making great progress moving them down to the level they should be at.

IBS Update & Sexist British Candy Bar?

I'm on vacation this week. YAY! This probably will be a short post. I just wanted to submit an update on my IBS. I've been really trying lately to not limit my diet so much, because, to be honest, it is a tad bit extreme (note the sarcasm there), and when I don't allow myself the things I really want, I tend to overeat on foods I consider healthy (fruit mainly), which is really more unhealthy than eating normal portions of foods that I consider less healthy. I consider this a serious problem now, and really don't want it to overtake my life anymore. So, I've been letting myself have the things I want, within reason. Over the weekend I enjoyed nice, but simple, white rice dishes, and even white sourdough bread! Why does bread have to be so good, yet so bad? Such a cruel world we live in. I even got myself some peanut butter flavored cereal, which was AWESOME! I hadn't had peanut butter in a LONG time.

So, I've felt very satisfied, put on perhaps a few pounds, maybe, have somewhat congested sinuses, and a light sort of headache this morning. I'm taking these things in stride and plan on continuing to enjoy non-raw/fruit things to eat, because it basically is just essential for me. However, I do plan on going back to gluten/wheat-free, because when I was just on ricey things, I didn't have nearly as much trouble with, dare I say, gas, and my sinuses (mucus). The bread also has really played with my blood sugar, in that I've had these periods of food induced sleepiness about 3 or 4 hours after I eat it, where I can't help but succumb to a wheat-induced brain fog, which has required immediate napping. I've often heard people refer to this as "food-coma." I like napping, nothing wrong with that, but knowing that my pancreas is probably struggling, isn't a very comforting thought to me.

Okay, so, to conclude, I've had delicious things to eat, but still maintain a very high fruit intake, because I love fruit, and it is basically essential for good health; However, I'm slowly but surely broadening my food horizons, and trying not to limit myself so much, because in the grand scheme of things, it's hurting more than it is helping. I shouldn't be afraid of food as much as I am - it's just not fun! And the good part is that I've found that bread and rice, otherwise referred to as grainy-things, don't contribute to my IBS, as long as they aren't the whole-grain variety. My IBS has gone away for the most part, and I now know that chocolate and other fatty (especially fried/oily fatty) foods are the main culprits in my IBS. So, I really have to watch my meat intake to make sure it is lean, and I can't do chocolate or things like potato/tortilla chips that aren't baked. It's comforting to know that I can still have my carby/grainy things, and know they won't cause me all that much trouble. Also, I had previously mentioned that I have had some severe problems with dry eye towards the beginning of this year, but recently this hasn't been much of a problem. Just about every morning for the past month or so I've woken up to eyes that aren't scratchy or dry feeling (for the most part), and I can go all day long without having to stop what I'm doing because of bad feeling eyes. (I used to have to take breaks from the computer or reading quite often because my eyes were so dry). It appears that although the food I eat may contribute slightly to this, it isn't the grand factor :0)

So, on a non-health related food subject, I was in a Meijer last night picking up a few things, and stumbled across their Britain food section, I think it was? English? Not sure, but anyway, they had some interesting items...

A candy bar that's not for girls? Isn't that bad for marketing? They're totally cutting like 1/2 if not more of their market share (assuming all girls/women don't actually eat it). Would this make it in America?

Back to Raw/High Fruit/Paleo Diet

Okay. It's 10:47 PM, and I'm still wide awake because of this tightness in the right side of my abdomen. It's kind of like a cramp right above below the very bottom-right of my rib-cage. This is colonic-spasp, in a low-intensity form, and although it is not painful (yet), it is quite uncomfortable. I've decided I must move away from all grain foods. I've been thinking that rice was safe for me, but even gluten-free processed/cooked foods (grain stuff) just aren't safe for me becasue they cause me this trouble. Grr. This is very frustrating. So, as I leafed through my copy of "The Paleo Diet," I've resolved to go back to mainly raw foods, consisting of mostly fruit, and possibly some meat products here and there. I'd love to be raw vegan, but all fruit and veggies doesn't work for me. I'd rather include a little meat here and there versus raw or cooked veggies, as they cause me problems. Meat I usually don't have to much of a problem with, as long as it's LEAN! Also, I tend to eat portions of meat that are just too much, so I'll really have to watch this.

Ugh, I'll take a little meat over this terrible IBS. Grains really are evil, and my issues are direct evidence of this. Actually, cooked food really is what is evil, grains are just a subset of it. Cuz, who would eat rice un-cooked, intentionally? Right? Heat = damage = bad = IBS? Yeah. Well, except for meat, cuz who's eatin' raw fresh kill... and liking it? (Right, I'm sure there's someone... lol). Gotta start using this common sense thing more and avoid things that cause me ill-health, because it's just no FUN!

Okay, I'm done complaining. Tomorrow is a new day! Wish me luck and and fast recovery of IBS so I can write about things other than my food related issues!

See what I see...

The Paleo Diet.com
Beyondveg.com
Paleo Diet.com
Raw Food and Fitness for the Athlete in Everyone
We Don't Need to Consume Plants

IBS, Food, and Dry Eye

I've recently come to be reminded why I have become so obsessed with food and what I eat. Three letters: IBS. Yeah, irritable bowel syndrome (yeah, they've got a syndrome for just about everything these days, otherwise you can't make money off it!). See, I wish I could be one of those people who can eat WHATEVER they want, and perhaps gain weight, but doesn't seem to have digestive problems. Over the weekend I let loose by eating potato chips, corn ships, chocolate, etc. In other words, fatty/fried nibbly things, which I have learned during the early part of this year, are a HUGE influence on digestive/irritable bowel symptoms. Fried foods, or cooked foods that have fat in them, like cookies, crackers, potato chips, just give me terrible problems.

I've just come to realize that I'm going on and on about my bowel conditions. YIKES! As if people want to come and read about my digestive issues.

So, in short, I've been somewhat miserable lately because my abdominal area has just been less than comfortable :O| Um, I guess cramping would be sort of the word? Sort of feels like a link of pebbles is traveling through my intestines. Wow, I'm totally getting too detailed here. Yeah, let me just keep this simple and say that I'm tired of it, and I'm going back to my mainly fruit diet, because on it I do SOOO much better because fruit is the "easiest to digest." Plus, I have this thing about vegetables now, where I basically don't eat them because they are SOO rich in fiber, that we aren't really made to digest them, at least at the quantities that people think we should. Well, I think one of the main reasons I'm having the pebble in tow feeling in the mid-section is because a bunch of people from my work went out to PF Changs, this decently good Chinese around where I work, to "celebrate" one of my team members moving to another position in another area of the city. So, he tells me "I decided PF Changs because you love their Kung Pao chicken there" (see previous post 06/13/06). So at this point I was kicking myself, basically because I was thinking "damn it, I just got done feasting on crap all weekend... I really want to just do raw food/fruitarian for a while now because I have no cravings for Chinese." So of course I had to go with him saying that to me. How could I say no? "Um, sorry Vijay (my co-worker), I'm not going to make it to your lunch today because I'm basically food-challenged." So anyway, I ended up ordering one of the lightest meals they offered, which was Buddha's Feast - just steamed veggies like broccoli, asparagus, carrots, etc. I had it with regular white steamed rice (GRAINS! gooood). I needed the soluble fiber to help off-set the worse-than-eating-straight-apple-peel vegetable insoluble fiber. So, needless to say it has totally made me feel bloated and gross. Ugh, what a picture, right? My readers (if I have any) probably think very highly of me at this point. At least it's somewhat comical, right? Yeeah, I hope. Unfortunately I didn't get a snapshot of my meal, what with being with co-workers and all, it would probably just confirm their existing suspicions of me being "food-challenged" (I like that term).

I was totally still craving crunchy junk food. Since I try to stay away from gluten (it's EVIL!), I splurge mostly on ricey things, which I actually really like. This morning I had, well, I'll just say several bowls of this AWESOME cereal this morning. It's simple, ricey, crunchy, and chocolately tasting; HOWEVER, half-way through a meeting this morning, I felt like I was going to loose my "lunch" right there in the office room! Damn! Luckily I was able to keep it calm, cool, and collected. Phew! Last time I have more than one bowl at a time of THIS stuff!

Okay, last food thing, I SWEAR! One of my co-workers just got back from a MONTH long trip back home to India and he brought back these strange looking "traditional Indian sweets" for everyone to try. I've been trying really hard to not be totally weird about food, because it is really disrespectful to not take someone up on their offer and I usually feel bad whenever I decline, as if I'm "too good" or something. So, I accepted and had a few nibbles. What was the harm? I already had like boat-loads of junk over the weekend, what was the point? It was very different tasting. It pretty much just melted in my mouth, and was VERY sweet because it was loaded with powdered sugar. It was okay, but notice I didn't really eat the whole thing - it was HUGE!

So anyway, besides food I do have AWESOME news!!! My eyes have improved pretty dramatically over the weekend and up to today. They are really not as dry or scratchy as they have been in the past. The weirdest thing about it is that it started the day after I was splurging on junk food like white rice and chocolate (see previous post). Since Saturday morning, I think, I haven't woken up with scratchy eyes SINCE! It's like a miracle! To what do I owe this most awesome change? Well, all I know is that I am QUITE happy that they are doing better. I used to think that junky food was the cause of my dry, scratchy eyes, but that clearly is not the case here. I do think it could play a role in it to a degree, but as healthfully as I eat, there is no way it could be taking it to the degree to which I have had pain in the past. Truly miserable, but they seem to just keep getting better and better. YAY! :O) To give you an idea of how excited I was that they were feeling so good, I took this array of self-portraits with my eyes like bulging out of my head. See, before I was like almost unable to even open them for like more than 3 or 4 seconds at a time (like, months ago), but now I can keep them open without really "having" to blink for MUCH longer. And they're WHITE, not like red and veiny (Ugh, sorry, another yukky image).

"Look into my eyes!" :O)

Late Night Binge

Interesting fact of the day: Did you know that Leonardo Da Vinci is considered to have been a "fruitarian" (someone who eats mostly raw fruit)? This was a pretty amazingly creative, intelligent, and fascinating man, I think many would agree.

It's been a few days since I've posted, and I thought tonight would be a perfect opportunity to throw something out here. Reason being because after having my meat splurge, I've gone the entire rest of the week on fruit alone. When I reflect on this type of behavior, I can easily see that perhaps I unconsciously feel a sense of guilt for splurging on a lunch of meat, so I compensate by eating the most simple, healthy, and cleansing diet I know of - just fruit. Um, yeah, this is starting to sound like a confession of someone with an eating disorder, which is probably the case, as you can probably gather from the title of my blog. And, I guess this is one of the ways I'm looking to begin managing it and learning about it. I just hope that I don't frighten and turn-off the people in my life that I've invited to join me with this.

Anyway, on to the food! After almost an entire week on fruit only, I was sitting here at my desk after taking a much needed after-work nap, and, as I knew would come about eventually, I began dreaming of comforty foods. Now, given that I don't really "let loose" all that often, you would think that I go all out and get like huge cakes, doughnuts, pies, or something. But, I don't. My splurge on "junk" food is usually like 1/2 a loaf of sourdough bread (OOohh how I've missed that), or a small portion of salted or seasoned white rice, or these little seasoned rice snap crackers. They've all got one thing in common - they all have a chewy texture and are salty tasting. All the fruit I eat (sweet fruit that is), I just get bored with eventually, and I just can't resist my cravings for something chewy and salty. I guess everyone has their moments where they've got their "weaknesses," or "vices." I guess mine is food. Other people get their kicks from drugs, alcohol, sex, you name it, but I'm just content snacking away on tasty morsels of chewy cooked salty things. I bet you if I just dabbled in things every other day, or perhaps every day, I wouldn't have these crazy binge-attack like cravings where I go a little overboard, because I wouldn't feel deprive or unsatisfied. Hmm, this might be something I should try to work into my daily routine. Completely depriving myself just doesn't seem healthy for me psychologically or physically.

So, before I indulge you with exactly what I "let loose" on tonight, let me first give you a little bit of background behind why I set such demanding expectations on my dietary practices, if I haven't already. See, most of all of this started when I read this book called "The Paleo Diet," from which I first learned that diet plays a key role in many diseases, and contrary to what I had always heard and understood, also acne! Aaah! Every teenager's NIGHTMARE. This book talked about how refined carbohydrates like table sugar, white bread and rice, potatoes, etc., all contribute to acne because they digest so quickly in the system and raise certain of your body's hormone levels, which in susceptible people, result in CRATERS :O( So, I began avoiding them like the plague, and still do for the most part, but give in here and there and do the "shit, what the hell" thing. Additionally, a few years back I began having troubles with my eyes, in that they started becoming very dry and really having a major impact on my daily life to the point where it was almost impossible to read or watch TV because they burned so incredibly bad. To this day I still seem to suffer some minor to mediocre dryness from day to day. So, thinking that my diet plays a key factor in this problem, I've been trying my best to eat as healthy as possible from all of the nutrition information I've gathered via new books and legitimate articles on the internet (yes, I do treat sources with extreme caution and like to think I use my own personal judgment to filter the garbage from the legit). Dry eye can be a nightmare, and when you have it long enough like I have, you start to think crazy thoughts like "is this some kind of sign that I'm not healthy, and is an indicator that my insides aren't functioning properly because of something I'm doing to or not doing for my body?" It gets annoying, and often makes me resort to extreme dietary practices to try and correct what is wrong by giving my body what it really needs. I know, a lot of people reading this are probably saying, "yeah, but just fruit? You’re NOT giving it what it needs. You need FAT" I've done a lot of research, and hopefully through my continued posts you may begin to understand why I resort to such a seemingly crazy diet. But, I do get enough fat and have actually gone for a period of time consuming VERY large amounts of fresh uncooked olive oil and fish/salmon oil, but with no real improvement.

So, okay, enough of the life story for now - I'm even sort of boring myself. Um, yeah, I was sitting here going "me want junk food!" So I opted first for some plain 'ol white rice with a little salt. I know, pretty bland, but in opposition to sweet fruit, it's like on the other end of the spectrum - like I said before, chewy and salty goodness! Okay, I should mention that I'm a habitual food combiner as well. This means I follow scientific rules about how to eat what types of food in order to avoid digestive "episodes" :O) It works really well! If you're interested, just Google food combining and read up on it - there's a lot of validity to it, as I can attest to it personally. Anyway, salty, plain rice. Yeah, alone it digests really well! I hopped over to the PF Chang’s at the Easton center not far from my place, because, did you know... they give their rice away for FREE! FREE FOOD!? - I'm there. It sounds odd, but I go in and ask for a small container of white rice, and they just plop in front of me and say "have a good one!" Funny story: Once I went in during my lunch break and just asked for some white rice, and the girl behind the bar asked me if I wanted a small container or a large one. So, thinking "what the hell, it's free, and I can save some for tomorrow or something," I said "large please!" Okay, she came back with this huge-ass, like, aluminum container that was practically big enough to cater a small event with! I was like "whoa, that's a crap load of RICE!" So, I didn't want to act surprised, so I walked out with it, acting as though I had expected exactly that. Pretty embarrassing though, right? I got back to the office and my co-workers were totally convinced I had a binge eating disorder. I was like, "no really, it was FREE!" [co-workers rolling their eyes doing the crazy sign with their finger circling around the side of their head when I turn away].

Okay, so back to rice. Yeah, it was really good and hit the spot. I ate the entire container, which was probably excessive, but come on, I was hungry and on the verge of knocking someone's block off if I didn't get my "fix." Sad, I know, referring to food as some type of substance. But it is, really, right? FOOD.. GOOD! So, not quite completely satisfied, the saltiness just made me crave something sugary and sweet.

Yeah, haven't had chocolate in a REALLY LONG time. We're talking like months here people. Now, this was a bigger deal than the rice, because sugar is TOTALLY addictive. I've even read this study once where they fed rats sugar every day, then took it away from them and noted "audible teeth chattering," which apparently denotes withdrawal, and thus addiction. But then again, what isn't these days. It was 75% cocoa content, MINT flavored chocolate, and MAN was it SWEEEEET! But yeah, excessive, yeah, I totally ate 3/4 of the bar I had sitting in my kitchen drawer. BUT IT WAS AWESOME! Now, I know I mentioned being a strict food combiner, and chocolate doesn't really conform well to food combining, and generally, I think everyone would agree that mass quantities of sugar is never really a good thing. But, again, had to give the 'ol consiounce the "shut up! I'm going to eat this whether you like it or not" lecture.

Well, I had all this "junk" food (for me at least) about an hour ago, and so far it's all digesting very nicely, I'm happy to report. Oddly, this is very important to me, because I HATE upset stomach and stuff like that, especially since I know the not-so-secret equation to avoiding it. Tomorrow could be a different story, but I'm looking on the bright side.

Notice a trend forming? I only seem to post to this blog whenever I indulge in wonderful prepared and delicious foods. Not to say fruit isn't, because it is my ultimate favorite, but I've come to realize that nobody wants to read about how I had x many apples and x many bananas today. Honestly, I know the snooze factor is through the roof on that one. But then again, who's lining up to read about how I splurged on plain white rice and a chocolate bar? "He did whaaaat?! Noooo." :0)

Okay, one last note, not related to food, before I go. If you live in an apartment complex and you smoke, do the person that lives above you a favor and don't smoke outside where it can leak into their very open upstairs window, i.e. mine (cuz it's reealy hot out and I'm cheap), because it smells like CRAP! [cough].

Meat & Fruit!

I have to say, today has been a great day! Okay, so this is one of those days that justifies why I said in my initial post that I'm usually a fruitarian. Well, yeah, because I called out for Chinese today and got an order of Kung Pao Chicken.

Kung Pao is basically a spicy chicken dish, and where I ordered it from, is usually stir fried with peanuts, chili peppers, chopped onions, garlic, and a bit of sesame oil. In short, it is DELICIOUS! I haven't eaten meat since, well, hmm, it's been a while, but I can't quite remember exactly. I think it's been almost two weeks. See, I have no integrity when it comes to stating that I'm a vegetarian or a vegan, or, yeah, a fruitarian (which is pretty much true if you count me as 75% + fresh raw fruit). I do in fact not approve of the meat industry for the most part, simply because it has gotten too out of hand. But, I'm human! What can I say? I have cravings for meaty things.. Cooked, spiced, and fatty tasty meaty things! And today's lunch was just what the doctor ordered.

Also, I should mention that I began avoiding meat like the plague, not because of some dignified stand against cruelty to animals, but because I've been associating it, and sadly all cooked food, with this dry eye condition I've developed over the past 2 or 3 years. Well, today my eyes haven't been doing all that bad, and I was out to prove whether the meat was really a cause for worsening my condition. In times past, I've eaten meat after abstaining for some time, and then noticing my eyes had gotten dry and painful a short time after eating it. Well, after eating my lunch today, I really didn't notice much of a difference at all, which is AWESOME, because I love cooked food, and I love cooked MEAT! Yeah, I'm a brutish caveman sometimes. And, honestly, after having it, I noticed I had all this great energy and concentration in me that was like lost for a little while, since um, not eating meat. Some people would agree that cooked food and meat in general are bad because heat damages things and makes them toxic, but, come on, I need a little relief here and there. Like I said, I'm only human! At least it's better than stuffing my face with a loaf of sourdough bread (which I LOVE), or a big bowl of white rice. Hmm, maybe this whole Paleolithic diet thing isn't that off after all. At least that's what I think today. Look out, because next week I'll probably be cursing meat like it's the Devil or something.

So, for dinner, since I do LOVE fruit, and it's only proper that I balance my acid lunch with an alkaline load, I had some fresh pineapple and mango, which I pureed up in my blender and ate like baby food. Yeah, I tend to do this to fruits that have cautiously high levels of insoluble fiber, of which pineapple is one of. I do this for three reasons:

1. Because it helps the nutrients become more bio available to my system (by breaking it down pre-digestion)
2. It greatly reduces the impact of the insoluble fiber to my digestive system, which means a much happier me, and
3. It's freakin' awesome tasting, and the texture is soo smooth and sweet!

Really it's not that strange, cuz you can think of it like a smoothie, that's just really thick, and you have to eat it with a spoon. Almost like a Wendy's Frosty, sort of, well, yeah, you get the idea. Most others, including my family, think I'm sort of crazy and usually put on that "bitter beer face" whenever they see me preparing or eating it. Such is the shunned life of a health-food junky. [Sigh].

Okay, so I usually have a take two for dinner later in the evening. This time was even better: 2 mashed bananas and one skinned and sliced Fuji apple. OOooh I would take this over bread just about any day. I think I must have a sugar addiction. But it's fresh fruit, so it can't be all that bad, right? :O)